OMfreakingG

if i have never before expressed how much i adore touring, let me do so now: SO much! ahh!...i almost just peed a little and not just because i am experiencing extreme amounts of joy about what i get to do in two days, but because the compy just talked to me and i was not expecting it. umm...distracted now....wait, tour! yes! good times are a-coming for us all. not only is riding around the country with sweaty cheese sandwiches and neck cramps totally worth it, but i get to see so many amazing people. i get to see my family and in minneapolis for once and the choir gets to see them too. we'll get to bowl and eat good things with mom and the boys and kate and dad and terri are planning a sleepover. and then i'll probably get to see them all again at a concert later in the tour. i can't wait! and rumor on the street is that we may get to see the elusive h-bomb, but i'm not holding my breath because you never know when the US gov will decide that swedish people are now red-alerts at border crossings. seriously, family, i cannot wait to see you in just a few days and choir, oh man oh man, i hope you are ready for the memories because they are coming toward you like a speeding train and there is no time to jump out of the way. love you all and will see you soon.

now for the sadness:
i hate that shawn is not coming with me. we have so much fun together and don't like creating memories without him. i will be lost without him, but that might mean that i revert to betty more often and thus increase the potential memories. i will try to make you proud, shawnee. and i'll miss you every time something awesome happens, so a lot. oh, and i'm going to miss my kitty. little ollie, probably won't even remember who his mommy is. no more touring without the family because it blows (and yet is still badassedly awesome).

so, as it is with most days, i stand conflicted and overwhelmed by the intensity of all my emotions, but am happy to have them to feel.

facebook birthdays

so i've totally been against wishing people a happy birthday via facebook. i thought that it showed that i only remembered their birthday because facebook told me to remember it and thus the wish was rendered lame. well, my friends, i have changed my tune. it is the happiest thing to sign on the morning of your birthday and find that so many friends, and from all over the years, thought of you that day. how is facebook reminding you of someone's birthday any different than your calendar reminding you, really? for those of you whose birthday i did not acknowledge on fbook, i apologize and know that next year will be different. for those of you whose birthday is yet to happen, look out because some fat birthday wishes are coming your way!

thanks for the love.

rejection letters

i didn't get into the banff centre opera as theatre program. and i am totally okay with it. when i read the letter, i was relieved. not because i would have seen the program as a burden whatsoever. i definitely would have viewed it as a privilege and an honor to be chosen for something like that, but i don't think i'm ready. i don't mean that i don't think i was ready musically (although the rejection letter says otherwise), but i don't think i am ready to make those decisions about my life. even the possibility of getting in was making me seriously consider my priorities. i would have missed six weeks of good summer times with my husband and friends and i would have missed three very important weddings. some people think weddings are silly social traditions or expensive parties, but i see them as life-defining moments not only for the couple, but for those invited. if you participate actively in someone's wedding you are part of one the most important days of their life and that gives you a strong connection to each other. one that you have to try to break. i didn't want to miss out on those connections with these friends.

all that to say, if i have to choose right now between people and my career, i choose people. i just don't know if i'm ready to deal with what that might mean for my life.

uber list update #2

home - get permission to paint kitchen and bathroom and do it*
home - set up studio in spare room*
home - reorganize storage space*
home - buy new plants and keep them alive
mi voce - practice voice everyday, even for only ten minutes
mi voce - learn the entirety of my schirmer aria book
mi voce - audition for as much as my nerves can handle one down
mi voce - take two language courses
mi voce - familiarize myself with standard operas and arias
mi voce - research career posibilities for after grad definitely more prayer than research but it's happening
incredi-kitty - get up earlier so olivander and i can have more cuddles
incredi-kitty - play with olivander as much as we cuddle because he is a rambunctious little one and needs more play time
family - phone dad, mom and kate at least once every ten days
family - send parent's day presents
brain - read 6 political books
brain - read my green party emails
brain - read 6 philosophy or theology "classics" that i've always wanted to read
brain - read bible cover to cover
brain - articulate in writing my ontological and soteriological theology
just because - re-read hp
just because - re-read the chronicles of thomas covenant plus the new one
just because - re-watch gilmore girls and finish with last season in the middle of season six...almost there
just because - blog once a week i'm not so consistent with this, but i'll bet it averages out
just because - hike in rockies
just because - go camping
just because - go on walks with shawn
just because - try new recipes
just because - make my own recipes and compile them
simplify - listen to music during dinner, rather than watching tv
simplify - purge my clothes so that they can all fit in the wardrobe*
moolah - pay off credit card
moolah - get ahead one paycheck
moolah - put monthly additions into savings account
moolah - get a reasonable car loan no need, i'm sure you've all read about lucy the van
moolah - stop using the credit card once it is payed off
going places - visit andrew in edmonton**
going places - visit friends in cali**
going places - visit h & r in ny**
going places - visit the loves in rosthern**
going places - visit mn**
green - save cans and bottles for bottle drive
green - recycle everything that can be
green - try to stave off buying a car as long as possible bought one for 107 bucks, sorry mother earth
green - purchase fuel efficient car will do when lucy dies in ten years
shawn - be as available as possible for church stuff
shawn - buy him an mbox a vocal effects processor
shawn - schedule and manage 6 coffee shop gigs he got himself one, but i think it still counts
shawn - be his cheerleader in all situations
shawn - have date night once a month
shawn - cuddle at least every two days he's my favorite pillow
shawn - give him the space he needs ask him how far he is on super smash brothers and you'll see this is true
shawn - together identify and work toward yearly goals we are going away for a night or two to talk this out
canadia - research and gain citizenship
canadia - switch to canadian owned businesses and corporations wherever possible
canadia - find out how to vote in next civic election not allowed
me - get my physicals on time
me - research and prepare to go pill free
me - drink 2 litres of water a day
me - run/walk to work this summer
me - get hair trimmed more than once every year and a half
me - try a new hair style
me - learn to braid my own hair
me - find out how to get health insurance to cover massage
me - greasy fast food no more than once a month, hopefully less

*i won't be able to even begin these until we have the house to ourselves again so they are definitely on hold.
**these can't happen until the semester is over and i am back from choir tour.

fools' day 2007

i will never top what happened last year, so i thought that i would repost our blogs for those who forgot and those who never heard...

sara said:

i have to give a huge thank you to mrs. mia drost and her sister mrs. heidi rousseau for helping me to brilliantly execute a prank on sweet unsuspecting shawn. can you guess? only if you know heidi, i suppose, and you know that she is pregnant. it's true. she took a pregnancy test and then i let shawn think that it was mine. thank you for the very clever idea and for peeing on a stick for the zillionith time.

a brief synopsis:
once mia shared the idea with me i started commenting to shawn how i was worried that we might be pregnant because of certain circumstances ::ahem:: earlier in the month. i told him that i was going to take a test. then i left the positive test sitting on the bathroom sink and went to the bedroom. shawn went in to brush his teeth and asked me if the test was done and how do you tell what it is. i told him and he said "uhhh" and then brought it to me. i let it go until we were re-dressed with coats and shoes on heading to the car to buy another test to confirm. then i said "april fool's!". it was just awesomely fantastic. thank you hunter sisters for making my april fool's day.


shawn said:

i cannot begin to describe the weird/confusing/terrifying/surreal feeling of staring at your wife's positive pregnancy test. it was too overwhelming, so let me do my best to relay to you the thoughts that ran through my head:

uhhh...what?...what does this mean?...what's happening?...what's going to be happening?...what does that blue plus sign mean?...pregnant?...what?...no...uhhhh... what do we do...shit...get a second test...who will it look like?...shit...how accurate is that test?...99%...shit that's accurate...is it too late to call a doctor?...how did this happen?...of course she's pregnant...boy or girl?...would it be weird to have sex right now?...shut up...get a second test...sweet...this is so predictable...maybe we'll have sex later...looks like i'm a janitor for the next 5 years...put on your pants and get a second test...99%?...dave and katie had a baby and they're okay...wait for the second test...how the hell did this happen?...steph and jackie had babies and they're okay...don't panic...wait for the second test...katie and alan are having a baby...wait for the second test...ollie, i'm so sorry...wait for the second test...WHAT!!!?



it was freaking nuts, man. really, really freaking nuts.

by the way, in case you didn't read the previous post, it was all a joke...a very frightening and very funny (eventually) april fool's day joke.

pre-birthday reflections

i know it's not for two more weeks, but i'm feeling the milestone that is 25. anyone over 25 will no longer be able to see said milestone as they are now looking ahead to 30 and when they do look back they wish they had seen 25 for the young age that it was. i'm not saying i feel old. i still feel incredibly young, unsettled and still too out of control of my thoughts and feelings than i wish i was by now. no one needs to tell me that there are no 'shoulds' or expectations of you at certain ages. socially this is totally true. everyone has their own story and nothing is normal for any age. it becomes normal for you because it is your story. but i do have expectations for myself, or goals if you prefer a more positive term. it's how i am me. i expect a lot out of myself because i honestly know what i am capable of and believe that i should be living up to those capabilities. because those capabilities really make up the possibilities for who i could be. kate is always talking about how as each moment passes there were a million possibilities of what that moment could have been, but it is now solidified in time as the moment that it was and those other possibilities are forever gone. this is not about trying to avoid regret. rather, it is trying to capture every moment as the grandest or simplest or memorable or forgettable moment that it is. at least 25% of my life is over and i am now looking at the horizon of the remaining 75% of my life (but probably less...i really don't think i'll live to be 100) and am facing a myriad of choices of what it could look like and who i could be which is totally affected by who i am now. this is big and no older and wiser person is going to convince me otherwise.